i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
