I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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