Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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