Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
