If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
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