A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
