So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
