Only a mothe r could love this liver
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
