I'd wear matching sweaters with you
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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