Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Can I color on your dick again?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
