Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
