??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
