Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
