Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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