Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
