Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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