she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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