have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Randomize
