You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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