If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
