I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
