Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
