I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
