I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
