I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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