and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
