You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
