cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
