OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
