Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Randomize
