Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
