Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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