the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
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