Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
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I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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