winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
