You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
nutella sex= disaster
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Hippo gnu deer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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