So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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