I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
