I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I just want to make out with him forever
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