I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
