It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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