I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
