He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
