I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
