You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize