i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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