I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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