My boss' voice literally gives me gas
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
