Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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