I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
