Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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