3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
another moral hangover. fuck.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
