I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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