I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
