what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
That accounts for only three of the penises
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
