Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
