I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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