wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
