i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
