Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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