I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
