So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
This show inspires me to have sex in space
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
