every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
