Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
