just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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