So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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