so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
