All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
The best revenge is premature balding
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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