11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i just made my gag reflex go away.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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